Stupid Universe

Lonely Nights

This is my lovely boyfriend who, unfortunately, lives in California. Not that I don't like California. It's certainly prettier than Michigan ... but the fact that he's there does not make me very happy. I miss him every minute of every day. Like right now. I'm laying here, about to go to sleep and I wish more than anything he was here to snuggle with. I don't know how people handle long distance relationships. I don't know how I do it. All I can say is I do it because I have to, because without him life is dark and lonely, more lonely than it is right now. All I can say is I would do anything just to have him, and I will hang on for as long as I have to until we can be together again.

This is The Square. We have all known each other since varying times during late elementary and early middle school and we are now like 4 peas in a pod. These people light up my life so much. Sadly, we go to four different colleges (University of Michigan, Michigan State, Central Michigan and Aquinas) and it so hard to be away from them. I have friends here but no one like them. Obviously that is understandable since I have put years and years into the bond I have with them, but it is still so hard to be alone and without the people that know me best. So I thought today I'd give them a little shout out and acknowledge just how important they are to me. I LOVE YOU GUYS!! 

I wanted to put up this picture because it is dramatic and breathtaking, but I don't know what else to say about it. It's the beach. In Carmel. California. The End.

Eyebrows ....

I have eyebrows that grow like weeds. Seriously. I have to pluck them almost every other day to avoid unibrow-ness. Is this normal? Does this happen to anyone else? I mean really, what the heck is going on here? It's not like I fertilize them or anything

World Falls Down

What do people do when the way they thought things were turns out to be the way things aren't? I feel like part of my world just crashed down and I don't know what to do - the worst is I go to college and so there is no privacy and no one here to talk to and no one to call. And I don't know how to handle this by myself

Yearnings

Sometimes I wish I was born in a different time period. A different set of days into which I would fit better. It's a strange feeling because I am generally happy with my life. But I get into these moods where I wish for something else. Something simpler, more elegant and sumptuous. I wish for the 20s, when everything was so heady quick. I wish for the 50s when elegance mattered and life was simple with just a touch of the dynamic, new world emerging after WWII. Mostly I wish for a life where the decisions I have before me weren't so difficult to make. When it was easy to get a job and make a good life for yourself and the family you hoped to one day have. When everything wasn't a constant struggle and worry. I suppose I time like that has never really existed, except for in the pages of my novels that glamorize the past for readers who never knew it. Still I want to escape the choices I have before me, about what to major in, when and where to intern, how involved in campus life to be. I'm so afraid I'm going to fail. Just flat out fail my life. I'm afraid I'll end up unhappy and alone and poor. I'm afraid I won't make the right choices and that I'll come to regret the things that I have done. I don't want to have any regrets. But how can you know now what decisions you may come to regret in the future? How is it possible to know which opportunities you'll wish you'd took, which ones you'll wish you had passed up? 

I wish I could go to sleep now and wake up at the end of my life, still having all the memories but having skipped the parts where I worried and agonized over what was right and what was good and what was necessary. 

Bored

How can one person have so much going on and still be bored? I'm a full time student, part time worker, mildly involved in campus life and even though I don't feel busy I must be because I'm exhausted all the time. And yet I'm basically bored. Why? How? WHY? I don't know! Does anyone else have this problem?

Pourquoi?

Why Blog? Honestly I don't know. I was looking at some blogs of other people and it looked so fun - so expressive. I miss being expressive in some creative way. I live in a tiny tiny 11'x12' dorm room where there is no room for my scrapbooking and stamping and jewelry making supplies. Even if there was room, my class schedule and work do not leave me the time to mess around with paper and glue and stamps and beads like I used to and I miss it. I guess Blogging isn't really super creative - but it allows me to design a space that is all my own and express myself in some small but visible way. Even if no one reads this blog I have put my ideas out there for the world to see. And it allows me to connect with people who inspire me, people who's creative doings I admire and can file away for future use, at some point when I have the time and the space to pick up my own projects again. Until then, I'll blog. 

The Funny Thing About Love Is...

Love. Such a sweet simple four letter word. Or Not. I know that this has been observed time and again by multiple people but Love has enormous power. Not just the power to make someone do a crazy, irrational thing once, twice or multiple times, but rather the power to change a person completely. 

"I'm too young to be serious about anyone. I want to date lots of guys when I go to college. I wan to be free. I'm way too young to be thinking about marriage. I need to see what's out there. I need to date different types of guys and figure out what type I like before I decide to settle down with someone. And I could never, never, not ever in a million years, not even for Johnny Depp NEVER do long distance." 

That was me 5 months ago. I was on the verge of college, and my high school boyfriend of 5 months had just joined The Navy. He was heading to Boot Camp and I was heading to school and so we broke up. A logical thing to do for two people in our situation who knew that they would miss each other but also knew that they weren't ready to be serious about anything. 

We're now in a long distance (and I'm not talking 4 or 5 hours long distance, I'm talking Michigan to California long distance), committed relationship with the intention and hope of getting married and growing old together. 

So when people talk about the power of Love I don't think the examples they use are strong enough. Because anything that can get me, damn stubborn, hard-headed, unbending me, to do a 180 that drastic has got as much force as an atom bomb.